


porcelain figures

by possums



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29972523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/possums/pseuds/possums
Summary: Sasuke doesn’t know how to live a normal life and so he keeps traveling.
Kudos: 2





	porcelain figures

**Author's Note:**

> I proof read this myself so pardon errors. 
> 
> I have a lot of feelings about Sasukes character development after the war. And he definitely isn’t one of my favorite Naruto characters so this fanfic was a bit of a challenge and I hope it can be enjoyed

How was he supposed to return to Konoha. In the adrenaline of the war he was convinced he could that he step in and save the day and everyone would forgive him.

What a childish stupid thing he thought he could do. He wonders sometimes if that's why he married Sakura. It wasn’t like he didn't like her. He did, quite a bit, more than any other woman he had tried to love— or maybe he was just playing pretend. Trying to live a life that he could never achieve.

He spent many many nights feeling lucky that Sarada was a girl— as if the generation trauma was some kind of phallic curse. For a man trying to restore his clan

He spent a lot of time hiding from it— afraid at any moment curiosity could get the better of them— afraid that Sarada would follow the same path as her father— afraid a male heir would cause some kind of trauma. (Was it a massacre if you only had 3 members in your family— or was it just a murder.)

And so he stayed away— he convinced himself that he could chase an unlikely problem for ever; only returning when he was summoned. Besides being in Konoha meant something worse. Sasuke would have to endure the scorn of those he hurt. Most of the village tiptoed around it perhaps they were afraid of him, perhaps they were hoping for normalcy. Sasuke was always sensitive like that, he masked it with arrogance, but it boiled inside of him. Perhaps that was just how Uchihas were.

His father had always seemed that way. And Itachi….

Well he tried not to think about that.

He still wasn’t sure what he thought about Sakura and Naruto. But he kept as close as he could for there sake. They deserved it after everything he put them through.

If he returned Shikamaru would glare at him— he new that the calculating nin wouldn’t forgive him. At least he kept his mouth shut; but Sasuke wasn’t sure if that was from laziness or if the tactician was only being polite to appease Naruto.

He never saw much of the girls he rarely worked or spoke with any of the women of Konoha; and Shino Kiba and Choji rarely crossed his path. The only other Ninja he worked with frequently was Sai.

Sai hadn’t grown up in Konoha, he didn’t have the history the other children had with him. That put Sasuke on edge and the several times they had worked together the artist had made his thoughts and opinions clear.

He was afraid of those honest feelings. He was afraid of how vulnerable he could be, of how he would react to the scrutiny. Did he want to be feared or loved or ignored— he wasn’t sure.

So how could he return, who would ease his fear. Naruto couldn’t— even looking at the yellow haired loser put him on edge. And he couldn’t expect Sakura to fix this for him. Team Seven had made enough excuses for him, and so he traveled.

He would do something big and prove himself to the leaf he would force them to forgive him. (That was the Uchiha pride talking— the maverick in him that told him he could do anything)

Or maybe— just maybe he could forget it all, find somewhere new to live find somewhere where he could take on a new identity, let Sakura and Naruto and Sarada mourn him and try to move on. (That was the coward in him speaking— always seeking the easy way out. The martyr complex he evolved from being a survivor. Self satisfying and ever so willing go abandon everything he had)

He wasn’t sure which was stronger, his Uchiha conviction— his quest for his own justice, for a chance to lay his trauma to rest through hard work and labor. Or, was it the coward in him. a boy who never learned how to grow into a man. Was Sasuke Uchiha only looking to grasp for power wherever he could, to make some sense of something. Was that the curse, was every Uchiha predetermined to seek control, to fix a system. Did they all drag themselves down?

He tried not to think about it, he focused himself on tracking Kaguya. He spent long lonely days and self isolated and hoped that one day maybe he would see an end to all of this so he could box it away. So he could return home and learn the next step.

How to be a better friend, a husband, a father— anything but what he was now.


End file.
